I'm standing with my toes dangling over the precipice of the new year...
Or, am I at the base of a craggy year-long mountain to climb and explore?
Or is the year a flower that, with care, will bud, blossom, sweetly linger and then fade?
The language we use, consciously, unconsciously, to ourselves, to others, matters. Sometimes it matters a tremendous amount. Here, now, I'm only going to talk about running, and, poised to pass through into the artificial construct of the "New Year", think out loud about what I'm planning for the coming year and why.
If you run in the same circles I do... (pause for weak laughter)... you know that December and January are planning and goal setting time... they are also lottery time... when the "hard to get into races" fill. To the extent that I, we, get into these races, they often provide the super structure of our running year... and sometimes, often perhaps, the backbone of our social lives and travel as well.
In approaching this time it's worth wondering aloud and asking myself the "magical" question. I've stolen this from my Counseling classes where one asks a client "What if things were different?". And here, the magical question for me would be "Imagine, what IF, just if, you ran zero races this year?" And further "Imagine if, what if, you ran zero miles this year... what would life be like?".
Jaw-Drop. Blue Screen. Short of a terrible injury or illness, I simply can't imagine running ZERO miles and short of being destitute I can't imagine not racing. It's been 9 years (2004) since I didn't run a race, and in the few years before that I was training hard for rock climbing. It's been since 2001 when I came out of my post-college "wow I'm fat and winded and unhealthy" malaise that I haven't been nearly continuously engaged in exercise and relatively healthy and active. I can imagine Less; less frequent races, cheaper races, shorter races, but in my head this is always answered and visualized as a matter of degree rather than one of kind. So then, has running and, to a lesser extent, racing become Axiomatic to my life? It seems so.
How do I then think about what running does? What IS it to me? What function does it serve in my life? Here the metaphors multiply and mingle. Is it a splurge, a treat, like an endless gift card for free froyo? Is it an escape, my vacation, my walkabout from reality? Or is running my medicine? Is it a pill? Is running endless miles simply how I stay healthy both mentally and physically? Is it a castle I've built, mile by mile, like bricks; a little kingdom over which I have mastery and from which I can launch with greater confidence into the rest of my life? Here we get into a little bit of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs... If it's dessert it can be dispensed with... if it's safety, if it's basic health... not so much. Maybe it's multiple overlapping metaphors and functions...and I'll have to be content with mixing my metaphors for now...
Another question begs asking; Does each year need to exceed the previous? Will it ever be "enough"? While there are a number of things I want to achieve, a number of times and distances and races I aspire to, yes, I think it's enough as it is... I'm about in equilibrium or perhaps a bit over what would make me happy in perpetuity. I find this reassuring; that when I ask myself "is it enough?" that I can answer yes. That my need whatever it is, craves only so much, can be satiated by an amount that seem relatively compatible with other demands from my life.
And so what does the year hold? No Western States. And so what? What is the backbone? What is the scary monster or prized goal, the push and pull, that will get me out in the freezing mornings and sweltering afternoons? In order of distance but not importance, here is what I want to accomplish in 2014:
10k--> Set a new PR. Current 39:58 from 2007. This is Weak and I should get down under 39
13.1-->Try for a new PR. Current 1:26:18 from 2012... Stout, but I think I can go 1:25...
50 miles--> Break 7 hours... 8:24 pace, hopefully at Lake Waramung Doable if I run smart in good conditions
24 hours--> Try again at 3 Days at the Fair or another 24. Shoot for125-135 and do the whole 24.
100 miles--> Vermont in July? Oil Creek in October? Both WS100 qualifiers.
Well, I run, a lot, and don't 100% understand why, but I'm happier when I do than when I don't. And I race, and the same trends apply. And so I plant and tend the garden of the coming year within the reassuringly solid walls of my running life and with care in the Spring and Summer the air will fill with the heady mix of sweat, ambition and adventure and will enrich and sustain my poorly understood self.
Alex
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
The Circumference of Hell... Part 2: Wrap up
I find that while my body is plenty ready to stop at the end of a long, and long trained for, ultra, that my mind keep going, keep processing the events, trying to learning, to generate meaning, to reveal meaning, to make sense of the accomplishment and also the sense of loss that comes with a significant endeavor completed. That's a lot of things to think about... it's a lot to process when you're a bit sleep deprived and you really should be getting back to your studies... back to the "daily grind"...
I've cleaned the house. I've put away all the gear and bins. There's no reminder left of the past weekend except the itchy, unkempt thoughts bouncing around my mind. So I'm going to let them out. I'm going to tell the story "out loud" so I don't have to keep telling and retelling it to myself. If anyone chooses to read it... well, that's up to you.
The NJ One Day is about as different from my previous 4 hundreds as you can get, 3x Western States, plus Vermont 2012. Just a quick drive over from CT. No big trip, no pre-race meals, talks, sponsored athletes wondering around. No crews driving around to different aid stations. Arrived 45 minutes before the start, checked in, found a place to set up, got dressed, kissed my wife and boy and then it started... 100 tilted laps... through the cool morning, the sunny warmish afternoon, the blustery evening and the chilly night. Only about 50 people in the 24 and I was guessing about 3-5 would be "like me" meaning hoping to run fast-ish.
I promised myself a few things:
1) You're not allowed to lead the first few laps
2) you're not allowed to run under 9 min/mile including walking breaks
3) hit 19 miles for 3 hours and 38 for 6 and then take it from there
4) trade seconds to save minutes and trade minutes to save hours.
Some laps of note:
10 miles (1:34:23)
19th lap... fastest of the race ~8:50 with 1:45 walking
20 miles (3:06:50)
25 miles (3:53:33) I kiss my wife and boy for the last time and they drive home :(
31 miles (4:50)
6 hours (38.5 miles!)
40 miles (6:17 [3:06:50 / 3:10:10])
47th lap: 10:03... first lap over 10 min!! Getting difficult
50 miles 7:57:45 New PR... but first on road... so pretty much expected. Things are getting a LOT tougher... a long stretch break... I regroup.
62 miles (~100k ish) 10 hours 10 min (4:50 [9:25 min/mile], 5:20 [10:25 min/mile])
At this point things are getting a little rough... 11-12 minute miles are starting to get more common.
64th lap. I take an Alieve... which I usually resist doing...
68 miles... my overall average creeps over 10 min/mile... Aaron Mulder, laps me for the first of several times while coming back from a down patch... he's running 9 min/mile while I'm running 11-12 min/mile... crushing it.
12 hours: 71.5 miles.
75 miles in 12:40... I see Julian the guy who's been leading the race the whole time, two laps ahead, getting into his truck and going home. Rick McNulty confirms this.
78th mile. Aaron passes me. FLYING.
80th mile. I realize that if I can maintain 13 min/mile (which is now an effort) that I can break 18 hours. That means no long breaks, no screw ups. I focus on this goal and promise myself not to ask about anyone else's splits or progress.
85th mile. I take a 2nd Alieve. By doing this I have essentially said that I'm stopping at 100 miles. I've never taken a 2nd Alieve in a race before. It's not good. It's bad.
100th mile: This is the first and ONLY lap where I run every step. I don't sprint but I run "solid". This "solid" lap... at 2:50am when it's 35 degrees and windy... a speedy 11:35... wow :)
So I stop the "clock" at 17:52. I get to stop and that's fine with me. Frankly, I was lonely and a little bored. I envied the other people who had friends to run with. I ran about 97/100 miles totally alone. I could hear them talking and laughing as I drifted up from behind them... and hear it quiet as I moved beyond them. And while there were lot of people saying "good job" etc, it was... yeah, it was lonely. And that was fine for 18 hours, I just didn't want to do that any more, just for the sake of doing it. At trail 100s you get a pacer for the last 30-40 and spend all night talking and laughing and hurting and that's awesome. Earlier in those races you often match up with people for long periods of time... paradoxically... in this race you drifted in and out of phase with people, always saying hi and good job... but rarely anything of substance or quantity. I stopped so I could stopped hurting. But I also stopped so I could just stand there and talk with the wonderful volunteers at the aid station and talk with some of the nice crews with whom I'd traded 100 hellos. This isolation was unexpected in what is otherwise a tremendously casual and social race. I have to think about what that means and if I want to do another. Perhaps at 3 Days which is much larger I would spend more time with people during the race... I don't know.
But I stopped. And ate. And talked to lots of nice people. And bundled up. And ate some more. Then took a good nap in a sleeping bag and then woke up... and 4 hours later people were still running and walking around in damn circles. God they were tough and determined!! So much respect. In the end 11 people went over 100 miles. Maybe one day I'll bring the mental game to run for all 4 quarters of the contest. This time I talked myself into stopping.
Well, it's neither poetry nor drama. But there it is none the less. 100 miles in circles in New Jersey. Okay, now on with life.
I've cleaned the house. I've put away all the gear and bins. There's no reminder left of the past weekend except the itchy, unkempt thoughts bouncing around my mind. So I'm going to let them out. I'm going to tell the story "out loud" so I don't have to keep telling and retelling it to myself. If anyone chooses to read it... well, that's up to you.
The NJ One Day is about as different from my previous 4 hundreds as you can get, 3x Western States, plus Vermont 2012. Just a quick drive over from CT. No big trip, no pre-race meals, talks, sponsored athletes wondering around. No crews driving around to different aid stations. Arrived 45 minutes before the start, checked in, found a place to set up, got dressed, kissed my wife and boy and then it started... 100 tilted laps... through the cool morning, the sunny warmish afternoon, the blustery evening and the chilly night. Only about 50 people in the 24 and I was guessing about 3-5 would be "like me" meaning hoping to run fast-ish.
I promised myself a few things:
1) You're not allowed to lead the first few laps
2) you're not allowed to run under 9 min/mile including walking breaks
3) hit 19 miles for 3 hours and 38 for 6 and then take it from there
4) trade seconds to save minutes and trade minutes to save hours.
Some laps of note:
10 miles (1:34:23)
19th lap... fastest of the race ~8:50 with 1:45 walking
20 miles (3:06:50)
25 miles (3:53:33) I kiss my wife and boy for the last time and they drive home :(
31 miles (4:50)
6 hours (38.5 miles!)
40 miles (6:17 [3:06:50 / 3:10:10])
47th lap: 10:03... first lap over 10 min!! Getting difficult
50 miles 7:57:45 New PR... but first on road... so pretty much expected. Things are getting a LOT tougher... a long stretch break... I regroup.
62 miles (~100k ish) 10 hours 10 min (4:50 [9:25 min/mile], 5:20 [10:25 min/mile])
At this point things are getting a little rough... 11-12 minute miles are starting to get more common.
64th lap. I take an Alieve... which I usually resist doing...
68 miles... my overall average creeps over 10 min/mile... Aaron Mulder, laps me for the first of several times while coming back from a down patch... he's running 9 min/mile while I'm running 11-12 min/mile... crushing it.
12 hours: 71.5 miles.
75 miles in 12:40... I see Julian the guy who's been leading the race the whole time, two laps ahead, getting into his truck and going home. Rick McNulty confirms this.
78th mile. Aaron passes me. FLYING.
80th mile. I realize that if I can maintain 13 min/mile (which is now an effort) that I can break 18 hours. That means no long breaks, no screw ups. I focus on this goal and promise myself not to ask about anyone else's splits or progress.
85th mile. I take a 2nd Alieve. By doing this I have essentially said that I'm stopping at 100 miles. I've never taken a 2nd Alieve in a race before. It's not good. It's bad.
100th mile: This is the first and ONLY lap where I run every step. I don't sprint but I run "solid". This "solid" lap... at 2:50am when it's 35 degrees and windy... a speedy 11:35... wow :)
So I stop the "clock" at 17:52. I get to stop and that's fine with me. Frankly, I was lonely and a little bored. I envied the other people who had friends to run with. I ran about 97/100 miles totally alone. I could hear them talking and laughing as I drifted up from behind them... and hear it quiet as I moved beyond them. And while there were lot of people saying "good job" etc, it was... yeah, it was lonely. And that was fine for 18 hours, I just didn't want to do that any more, just for the sake of doing it. At trail 100s you get a pacer for the last 30-40 and spend all night talking and laughing and hurting and that's awesome. Earlier in those races you often match up with people for long periods of time... paradoxically... in this race you drifted in and out of phase with people, always saying hi and good job... but rarely anything of substance or quantity. I stopped so I could stopped hurting. But I also stopped so I could just stand there and talk with the wonderful volunteers at the aid station and talk with some of the nice crews with whom I'd traded 100 hellos. This isolation was unexpected in what is otherwise a tremendously casual and social race. I have to think about what that means and if I want to do another. Perhaps at 3 Days which is much larger I would spend more time with people during the race... I don't know.
But I stopped. And ate. And talked to lots of nice people. And bundled up. And ate some more. Then took a good nap in a sleeping bag and then woke up... and 4 hours later people were still running and walking around in damn circles. God they were tough and determined!! So much respect. In the end 11 people went over 100 miles. Maybe one day I'll bring the mental game to run for all 4 quarters of the contest. This time I talked myself into stopping.
Well, it's neither poetry nor drama. But there it is none the less. 100 miles in circles in New Jersey. Okay, now on with life.
Thursday, October 31, 2013
The Circumference of Hell... Part 1
Happy Halloween Ultra Ghouls and Ultra Beasts...
What an odd concept, that Hell would have a definite Circumference...but, I assure you, it's true. And, I know what it is; it's one mile. The circumference of Hell is USTFA certified to be 1.000 miles... and it's in Sussex County, NJ. That Hell would be in NJ might not, in fact, surprise you, but Sussex County?? Yes, rest assured, it's there and specifically it is resides at the County Fair Grounds...
And I'm going there...
On purpose...
Worse yet... I paid money to go...
On November 9-10th I'm running the first annual New Jersey One Day. It is the Fall incarnation of the relatively well known "3 Days at the Fair" which is held in May. In my race, 8 days from now, the goal is simply to run as far as you can in 24 hours. From 9am on Saturday to 9am on Sunday. And you don't run through God's gloriously revealed mountains as eagles soar and thunderous rivers flow. No. You run around a 1 mile (certified exact mind you), mostly paved, almost geometrically flat, loop through a county fair grounds... in NEW-freakin'-JERSEY.
And I remind you. I'm doing this on purpose. I, in fact, paid.
While I love, cherish, depend on and frankly obsess about trail running more than is certainly normative and perhaps more than is healthy, I have also always had a fascination with flat pavement ultras. I think it answers the questions that the road 5k and marathon do; how fast can you go that far? Unfettered by mountains, just how fast can you go how far? It's honest, it's ugly. You end up with a concrete (pardon the pun) number.
And so, I want to know some things. I want to know how fast I can run 100 miles and I want to know how far I can go in 24 hours. Pretty ugly, but the numerological simplicity of it are too beautiful to ignore. The challenge is too great and too easy to undertake. So I'm going to run in circles, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 minutes at a go, for as long as they let me, and as long as my training and will holds.
And since there is no beauty, no great legacy or tradition that I am following in, all that is left is 3 types of goals: 1) time goals 2) distance goals and 3) psychological goals. Normally I would shy away from sharing these as it would risk "public disappointment", but I want people to know if they should be happy for me, console me or somewhere in between. The biggest variable that I don't control is the weather. If it's 35 and pouring all 24 hours with 30 mile an hour winds, obviously I'm not going to run very much or at all. But assuming I can run here are my graded goals.
1. Time goals: 100 miles
A+++ 16:40 (10 min/mile) Super Optimistic but not, quite, impossible.
B 18 hours
B- 20 hours My Vermont PR is 20:22 and so I should do better than that
C- <24
2. Distance Goals
A+++++ 135 miles This is the minimum qualifying standard to the USA 24 hour Team. This would require EVERYTHING to go EXACTLY RIGHT on my first ever try at the event... not likely, but also not "physically impossible"
A- 120 miles This is the extension (12 min/mile) of my Vermont PR
B 110 miles
3. Psychological goals
-Have lots of great conversations with the other denizens of Hell :)
-Run Smart, follow the plan.
-Be flexible, do I manage time, unexpected events and adversity well?
-Run Tough, when it gets cold, when I'm tired, if it rains, do I show grit?
-Don't do anything stupid. Do I shut it down if I'm going to hurt myself?
Well, there it is. I can't control the weather in NJ 8 days from now, but unless there's a hurricane I'm going and I'm going to give it a go. And every fence, every turn, every detail of that 1 mile circuit will be etched into my mind. Can I go into a trance and simply flow? Will my mind thrive or starve? What will happen I know not, but it will be a horrifying ghoulish adventure, that's for sure.
Happy Halloween,
Alex
What an odd concept, that Hell would have a definite Circumference...but, I assure you, it's true. And, I know what it is; it's one mile. The circumference of Hell is USTFA certified to be 1.000 miles... and it's in Sussex County, NJ. That Hell would be in NJ might not, in fact, surprise you, but Sussex County?? Yes, rest assured, it's there and specifically it is resides at the County Fair Grounds...
And I'm going there...
On purpose...
Worse yet... I paid money to go...
On November 9-10th I'm running the first annual New Jersey One Day. It is the Fall incarnation of the relatively well known "3 Days at the Fair" which is held in May. In my race, 8 days from now, the goal is simply to run as far as you can in 24 hours. From 9am on Saturday to 9am on Sunday. And you don't run through God's gloriously revealed mountains as eagles soar and thunderous rivers flow. No. You run around a 1 mile (certified exact mind you), mostly paved, almost geometrically flat, loop through a county fair grounds... in NEW-freakin'-JERSEY.
And I remind you. I'm doing this on purpose. I, in fact, paid.
While I love, cherish, depend on and frankly obsess about trail running more than is certainly normative and perhaps more than is healthy, I have also always had a fascination with flat pavement ultras. I think it answers the questions that the road 5k and marathon do; how fast can you go that far? Unfettered by mountains, just how fast can you go how far? It's honest, it's ugly. You end up with a concrete (pardon the pun) number.
And so, I want to know some things. I want to know how fast I can run 100 miles and I want to know how far I can go in 24 hours. Pretty ugly, but the numerological simplicity of it are too beautiful to ignore. The challenge is too great and too easy to undertake. So I'm going to run in circles, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 minutes at a go, for as long as they let me, and as long as my training and will holds.
And since there is no beauty, no great legacy or tradition that I am following in, all that is left is 3 types of goals: 1) time goals 2) distance goals and 3) psychological goals. Normally I would shy away from sharing these as it would risk "public disappointment", but I want people to know if they should be happy for me, console me or somewhere in between. The biggest variable that I don't control is the weather. If it's 35 and pouring all 24 hours with 30 mile an hour winds, obviously I'm not going to run very much or at all. But assuming I can run here are my graded goals.
1. Time goals: 100 miles
A+++ 16:40 (10 min/mile) Super Optimistic but not, quite, impossible.
B 18 hours
B- 20 hours My Vermont PR is 20:22 and so I should do better than that
C- <24
2. Distance Goals
A+++++ 135 miles This is the minimum qualifying standard to the USA 24 hour Team. This would require EVERYTHING to go EXACTLY RIGHT on my first ever try at the event... not likely, but also not "physically impossible"
A- 120 miles This is the extension (12 min/mile) of my Vermont PR
B 110 miles
3. Psychological goals
-Have lots of great conversations with the other denizens of Hell :)
-Run Smart, follow the plan.
-Be flexible, do I manage time, unexpected events and adversity well?
-Run Tough, when it gets cold, when I'm tired, if it rains, do I show grit?
-Don't do anything stupid. Do I shut it down if I'm going to hurt myself?
Well, there it is. I can't control the weather in NJ 8 days from now, but unless there's a hurricane I'm going and I'm going to give it a go. And every fence, every turn, every detail of that 1 mile circuit will be etched into my mind. Can I go into a trance and simply flow? Will my mind thrive or starve? What will happen I know not, but it will be a horrifying ghoulish adventure, that's for sure.
Happy Halloween,
Alex
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