I'm standing with my toes dangling over the precipice of the new year...
Or, am I at the base of a craggy year-long mountain to climb and explore?
Or is the year a flower that, with care, will bud, blossom, sweetly linger and then fade?
The language we use, consciously, unconsciously, to ourselves, to others, matters. Sometimes it matters a tremendous amount. Here, now, I'm only going to talk about running, and, poised to pass through into the artificial construct of the "New Year", think out loud about what I'm planning for the coming year and why.
If you run in the same circles I do... (pause for weak laughter)... you know that December and January are planning and goal setting time... they are also lottery time... when the "hard to get into races" fill. To the extent that I, we, get into these races, they often provide the super structure of our running year... and sometimes, often perhaps, the backbone of our social lives and travel as well.
In approaching this time it's worth wondering aloud and asking myself the "magical" question. I've stolen this from my Counseling classes where one asks a client "What if things were different?". And here, the magical question for me would be "Imagine, what IF, just if, you ran zero races this year?" And further "Imagine if, what if, you ran zero miles this year... what would life be like?".
Jaw-Drop. Blue Screen. Short of a terrible injury or illness, I simply can't imagine running ZERO miles and short of being destitute I can't imagine not racing. It's been 9 years (2004) since I didn't run a race, and in the few years before that I was training hard for rock climbing. It's been since 2001 when I came out of my post-college "wow I'm fat and winded and unhealthy" malaise that I haven't been nearly continuously engaged in exercise and relatively healthy and active. I can imagine Less; less frequent races, cheaper races, shorter races, but in my head this is always answered and visualized as a matter of degree rather than one of kind. So then, has running and, to a lesser extent, racing become Axiomatic to my life? It seems so.
How do I then think about what running does? What IS it to me? What function does it serve in my life? Here the metaphors multiply and mingle. Is it a splurge, a treat, like an endless gift card for free froyo? Is it an escape, my vacation, my walkabout from reality? Or is running my medicine? Is it a pill? Is running endless miles simply how I stay healthy both mentally and physically? Is it a castle I've built, mile by mile, like bricks; a little kingdom over which I have mastery and from which I can launch with greater confidence into the rest of my life? Here we get into a little bit of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs... If it's dessert it can be dispensed with... if it's safety, if it's basic health... not so much. Maybe it's multiple overlapping metaphors and functions...and I'll have to be content with mixing my metaphors for now...
Another question begs asking; Does each year need to exceed the previous? Will it ever be "enough"? While there are a number of things I want to achieve, a number of times and distances and races I aspire to, yes, I think it's enough as it is... I'm about in equilibrium or perhaps a bit over what would make me happy in perpetuity. I find this reassuring; that when I ask myself "is it enough?" that I can answer yes. That my need whatever it is, craves only so much, can be satiated by an amount that seem relatively compatible with other demands from my life.
And so what does the year hold? No Western States. And so what? What is the backbone? What is the scary monster or prized goal, the push and pull, that will get me out in the freezing mornings and sweltering afternoons? In order of distance but not importance, here is what I want to accomplish in 2014:
10k--> Set a new PR. Current 39:58 from 2007. This is Weak and I should get down under 39
13.1-->Try for a new PR. Current 1:26:18 from 2012... Stout, but I think I can go 1:25...
50 miles--> Break 7 hours... 8:24 pace, hopefully at Lake Waramung Doable if I run smart in good conditions
24 hours--> Try again at 3 Days at the Fair or another 24. Shoot for125-135 and do the whole 24.
100 miles--> Vermont in July? Oil Creek in October? Both WS100 qualifiers.
Well, I run, a lot, and don't 100% understand why, but I'm happier when I do than when I don't. And I race, and the same trends apply. And so I plant and tend the garden of the coming year within the reassuringly solid walls of my running life and with care in the Spring and Summer the air will fill with the heady mix of sweat, ambition and adventure and will enrich and sustain my poorly understood self.
Alex
